It’s Not the Iced Coffee. It’s You.
October 22, 2026
I have three kids. Over the past few months, I noticed something with two of them.
One of them always seems to have a drink in hand, contained in a mug that requires a dolly to haul around. And it is never a normal drink like water. It is some 14-word concoction involving milk, foam, syrup, ice, probably a seasonal spice, and maybe a small financial transaction with a barista who now knows her better than I do. The thing also makes noise when jostled across an uneven surface, so you generally know she is coming before you actually see her.
The other child apparently cannot operate without earbuds in. At first, I assumed he was wandering around the house listening to music or maybe on a phone call. Silly me. Kids do not actually talk on phones anymore.
To get his attention, I would raise my hand or start talking louder, and he would respond with something like, “I can hear you,” or, even more confusingly, “I’m not listening to anything.” That is usually where my brain locks up. If you are not listening to anything, why exactly are the earbuds in?
This sends me down a rabbit hole trying to understand the possibilities. Maybe he is listening to an edifying podcast. Maybe he is on a call and, out of kindness to the rest of civilization, has chosen not to walk around in public with his phone on speaker so everyone can participate in the conversation. Apparently, no. He just walks around with earbuds in.
Then I read a recent Wall Street Journal article about a surprisingly heated workplace debate: Is it unprofessional to bring an iced coffee into a job interview?[i] The article describes recruiters and professionals divided over whether the drink is harmless self-expression or a signal of excessive casualness, poor preparation, or simply not reading the room.
And suddenly, the giant mug and the mysterious earbuds started to make a little more sense. Not because iced coffee is bad. I like coffee. I have no objection to ice. I am reasonably supportive of straws. The iced coffee is not the issue. The issue is consideration.
When I walk into a meeting, an interview, a client engagement, or even an important conversation with another person, I should be asking myself a simple question: What can I do to make this interaction better for them? That is almost the reverse of the old breakup line, “It’s not you, it’s me.”
Professionalism is more like…It’s not me. It’s you. Not in the accusatory sense, but in the considerate sense.
I want to be respectful and engaging. I want to remove unnecessary distractions. I want the other person focused on the conversation, not wondering whether my beverage requires a cupholder, whether my earbuds are connected to a conference call, or whether the rattling ice beside me is about to become the third participant in the meeting.
That same principle applies to dress codes, phones, hats, earbuds, coffee, posture, punctuality, and a hundred other things people sometimes dismiss as superficial. Are they superficial? Often, yes. But that misses the point. The question is not, “Should someone judge me for this?” The better question is, “Why would I knowingly introduce something that might distract from what I am trying to accomplish?”
The article itself captures both sides. Some recruiters believe an iced coffee communicates a level of casualness that does not fit an interview. Others argue that judging a qualified candidate over a beverage is ridiculous. One person essentially suggests you might pass over the next Steve Jobs because you were too focused on what was in his cup. Fair enough. A hiring manager probably should not eliminate a great candidate because she walked in with a caramel iced oat-milk whatever. But the candidate should still ask: Why make the coffee part of the interview at all?
There is also a larger leadership question here. If I am the boss and this is how you choose to present yourself to me, I am probably going to wonder: How will you present yourself to our customer?
That does not mean everyone needs a suit and tie. It does not mean professionalism requires pretending it is 1987. And it certainly does not mean we need to establish a corporate policy governing beverage temperature. It means mature professionals understand context. They read the room. They recognize that sometimes the issue is not whether I am comfortable with something. The issue is whether it helps or hurts the person I am trying to connect with.
The Wall Street Journal article ultimately lands in roughly the same place: context matters. Different environments have different expectations, and the smartest approach is to understand the room you are walking into. That is the bigger lesson. Professionalism is not about eliminating personality. It is about demonstrating awareness.
Go drink the iced coffee, wear the sneakers, and keep the earbuds. Carry around a cup large enough to irrigate a small farm. Just know when to set them aside. Because occasionally the most professional thing you can communicate is very simple: This moment isn’t about me. It’s about you.
[i] Julia Munslow, “How an Iced Coffee in a Job Interview Sparked a Raging Etiquette Debate,” The Wall Street Journal, September 25, 2026.
It’s Not the Iced Coffee. It’s You. was originally published in Horizon Performance on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
