Pronouns: Part II
June 26, 2025
Three quotes stick with me from my first week as an organizational leadership doctoral student, many years ago.
1. “I’m not interested in your uniformed opinions.” The director of our program informed us (threatened us?) that he, rightfully, would not tolerate conjectures that were not supported by research and/or well-thought reasoning.
2. “My dad’s the kind of doctor who can’t help anyone.” A professor shared a humorous story from when his son was young. While playing at a neighbor’s house, his son accidentally cut himself. The neighbor boy, knowing his friend’s dad was a “doctor,” suggested that they go to my professor to fix the wound. My professor’s son corrected the neighbor boy, stating that his father was not that kind of doctor…you know, the really useful kind.
3. “A leader’s speech reveals a leader’s heart.” Another professor stressed that leaders’ language provides pertinent insight into their souls.
These three quotes remind me to take my thoughts and words seriously, while not taking myself too seriously. Hence, these three quotes have helped to keep me in check, as an academic and as husband/father/coach/employee/board member/consultant/etc.
Here, I’d like to add a little more context per the third quote, which concerns leaders’ pronouns — not the expanse of their vocabulary. Indeed (and as I’ve written previously), one’s choice of pronouns is consequential. And below is further rationale for that claim.
Let’s start with a simple question: Are you an I/me/my/mine leader or a we/us/our/ours leader? Now, you may not be able to answer this about yourself (which is rather a red flag)…but those in your leadership sphere can certainly answer this about you.
Your personal pronoun usage pattern illuminates your personal leadership focus. If you are primarily concerned with you, your personal pronouns will normally be singular — I/me/my/mine. If you are primarily concerned with team, your personal pronouns will normally be plural — we/us/our/ours.
Note: pattern…as in that which is observable, predictable over time (concerning your leadership speech). For instance, when you talk about achievements or good ideas or anything else positive, is your default to say, “My idea proved to be right?” or is your default to say, “Our idea proved to be right?” Singular pronouns are the speech pattern for leaders who are self-focused, even if the team collectively came up with the idea. Plural pronouns are the speech pattern for leaders who are team-focused, even if the leader came up with the idea completely on his/her own. (Of course, the opposite is true in negative situations, wherein team-first leaders use singular pronouns. Think of the losing coach in a post-game press conference. If such coach has a team-first mentality, he/she will state, “I should have done a better job preparing for this opponent.” A coach with a me-first mentality will state, “We simply were not prepared to face this opponent.” The differences in these statements are subtle — but critical.)
And note: normally. There are obvious situations wherein using singular pronouns is best (wherein using plural pronouns would be downright awkward). For instance, if you have to duck out of a meeting to answer an emergency call, you would (should!) never say, “Excuse me, we need to take this.” Or if you are out to lunch with your team, you wouldn’t ask the server “Can you please add a side salad to our fish sandwich?”
After giving only casual attention to a leader’s speech over a long enough period, one can discern a leader’s heart. Consider leaders (and/or people who claim to be leaders) you encounter. Maybe your supervisors. Maybe people you hear on TV. Maybe politicians…okay definitely politicians. Listen to their personal pronouns pattern, and you’ll understand their leadership focus. (This can be both enlightening and frightening.)
And to state this another — perhaps, more meaningful — way: After giving only casual attention to your speech over a long enough period of time, people around you will be able to discern your leadership heart.
Are you a team-first or me-first leader? (As stated above, if you don’t know, that’s a red flag; nonetheless, ask your team about your leadership speech. People will assuredly appreicate your doing this.)
I contend that leaders whose personal pronouns follow the we/us/our/ours pattern are more influential. One, because they understand that the potential of a team is far greater than that of an individual. And two, because these leaders are more sacrificial, by comparison.
You can’t fake-it-to-make-it with leadership speech…at least, not for very long. Who you are will eventually be revealed by what you say. “Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks” is a timeless truth.
Pronouns: Part II was originally published in Horizon Performance on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
