A few years ago, I sat with the Unity Council of a Power Four football program.
We talked about leadership.
Not the abstract kind that lives in books — but the kind that shows up at practice on a Tuesday morning when no one’s watching.
I gave them a list — four things leaders do.
- Model. Set the tone. Do the work. Show others what good looks like.
- Energize. Bring belief when things get tough. Energy fuels performance.
- Serve/Love. Put others first. Care personally. Lead for the good of the team.
- Challenge. Hold others to the standard. Push them to be their best — even when it’s uncomfortable.
Then I asked them to rank the four behaviors from easiest to hardest.
That’s when the room got quiet.
Most put Model near the top. “Lead by example,” they said. Safe. Comfortable.
But Challenge? Almost always last.
One leader said, “It’s hard to call out a teammate when we’re close friends.”
Another said, “I don’t want to sound like I’m better than them.”
They weren’t wrong.
Challenge feels risky. It puts relationship on the line.
But here’s the thing — without challenge, standards fade. And when standards fade, so does trust.
Since that day, I’ve tried the same experiment with hundreds of young leaders. Different industries, same results.
Everyone loves Model. Few lean into Challenge.
Try This
If you lead young leaders, try this:
Have them rank the four behaviors — Model, Energize, Serve/Love, Challenge — from easiest to hardest.
Then ask why.
Not to grade their answers.
But to start a conversation worth having.
Five Insights To Reinforce
- Modeling is the foundation, not the finish line.
At some point, leadership requires voice, not just example. Leaders must find theirs. - Challenge without care feels like criticism.
Real challenge isn’t about volume — it’s about conviction. - Serve before you speak.
Those who love well earn the right to lead hard. - Energy elevates everyone.
Optimism is a force multiplier. - Growth begins in the grind.
The uncomfortable moments are where trust takes root.
The real challenge for every leader isn’t ranking the list — it’s living it.
The Hardest Job of a Young Leader was originally published in Horizon Performance on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
