The Impact of Words

Change… the word alone can cause some people to cringe and others to become energized. Stability, process, innovation…are just a few more — of many — common words that facilitate an immediate and emotional response, based on how each of us is wired. And then there are words that can be provocative when used to state a position, belief, values, comfort, because they assume a common perspective where often one does not exist. Personally, I can’t stand when people ask me about a “superpower.” Go figure.

But in a world wherein teamwork has become both frequent and critical to success, knowing our team members will have different responses to ordinary words makes communication challenging. For instance, you should assume that any team of more than five people will have at least one person who, when hearing you excitedly talk about the next project, will have a sentiment opposite of yours.

For years I’ve had the benefit of facilitating sessions using data from tools like DiSC, Big Five, StrengthsFinder, Iopt, and others that offer individuals insight both on their preferred styles and on how their styles differ from others — and can impact relationships.

How do we deal with this dynamic within teams? Clearly, you can’t couch every sentence in a way that creates positive responses from everyone. Nor should you — what a boring world that would be. Instead, try these suggestions.

• Learn how to read the room. One tool most public speakers are taught is to not scan the audience but to focus on an individual, and then another, so on. Taking this one step further, don’t just focus on the individual, really see that person and how he or she is responding to your words. Most people don’t have great poker faces; their body language will tell you all you need to know.
• Have a confidant. Not all of us are that confident when speaking, so reading the room adds work to an already difficult process. Therefore, lean on someone you trust, someone who knows what you plan to say and can focus on how others are reacting. A confidant can provide you the audience information you need while you focus on your talk.
• Make a practice — and stick to it — of making people comfortable enough that they can share any fears and concerns with you. Preferably such sharing occurs in private (after a team meeting, etc.), but knowing in advance that one-one time is available will encourage team members not to let any single issue wreck the rest of your presentation.
• Avoid truly confrontational language. So yes, you be you…but know that Marshall Goldsmith states that one of his top 20 Bad Habits is “an excessive need to be me.” Recognize the diversity in the room and do your best to avoid words that could be out-of-bounds for some folks.
• Invite people to share their perspectives on the plan. There is risk in this, so best to have a sense as what could be shared, in order to avoid derailers. Giving different perspectives a voice fills the gap of your individual style/approach. Even better to have done this in advance with people you know to have different perspectives (just one reason why being aware and valuing diversity in your team can offer incredible insight).
• Finally, deliver your message in a way that recognizes perspectives will be different. Being inclusive in your communication will encourage folks to let some personal differences slide.

And why do we go to all this effort? Because a team that hears a message that motivates, rather than alienates, them will achieve significantly better outcomes.

The Impact of Words was originally published in Horizon Performance on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.