Rethinking Your Circle of Trust?

One of the exercises we do with a leader involves identifying an inner circle of five thought leaders who challenges him/her to think differently. This group helps generate new ideas, kill bad ones, and make average ones better. My group often encourages me by their presence, energizes me by their dialogue, and engages me by their deeper level of substance and transparency. Moreover, I’m able to be myself with them by expressing my fears, frustrations, and failures.

A couple weeks ago I attended a session centered on diversity and unconscious bias. During the session the speaker guided us through a exercise that challenged us to identify a group of our most valued friends — friends inside our “circle of trust,” a group of individuals who knows us, respects us, supports us, and protects us. The only stipulation was that none of these persons could be related to us.

I quickly got to work on this challenge. The end result, however, surprised me…because I got better that day!

I want to challenge you to complete the same exercise.

• First, grab a sheet of notebook paper and create 9 columns. In the first column write NAME and list up to 10 persons in your circle of trust.
• After listing names, write the following headings in columns 2–9: AGE, GENDER, FAMILY STATUS, RACE/ETHNICITY, EDUCATION, SEXUAL ORIENTATION, RELIGION, AND DISABILITY (visible or invisible).
• Fill in the columns with the appropriate information for each individual on your list.
• Review and compare your answers.

If you’re anything like me, or the presenter that day, you will see a lot of similar responses as you review each individual columns. For example, as I reviewed my responses that day, I observed the following:

• I identified 8 individuals.
• Their average age was 51.5, and all were between the ages of 45–60. If you removed the youngest and oldest from the group, the age range was between 46–58 (I’m 52).
• All but one are MALE.
• All are MARRIED.
• All are CAUCASIAN.
• 7 of 9 have earned at least a Masters Degree.
• All are HETROSEXUAL.
• All are either PROTESTANT or CATHOLIC.
• None has known visible or invisible disabilities.

As the presenter pointed out, my list that day was “normal.” As the Vice President of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion for a Fortune 500 company, she explained that the individuals in her circle of trust also look remarkably similar to her. I suppose this shouldn’t surprise me: The members of our tribe often share numerous characteristics— both seen and unseen.

For me, the exercise helped make more “conscious” my “unconscious” bias. And while I realize that doing the exercise won’t necessarily change my circle overnight, I am now more aware of the risk of bias — a risk I can choose to mitigate through intentionality and by the deliberate engagement with those who are different than me. I encourage you to do the same.